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Literature Text
When the nightmares dont wait till you sleep
When you close your eyes but still see
When the past fallows your every move
And the screams never end
The blood drips over and over
Your fears become real again
When singing is just a distraction
And the bottle your refuge.
As you go back
But stay here
Anger snaps
Fear grows
Tears fall
When you are dying inside
And cant save yourself
When the memories arent just memories
And you cant hide any more
Life is like an unsettled score
Always tormenting
Always lost
Afraid of love
And truely knowing pain
But you smile and pretend
Hoping one day for an end
Knowing it may never come
Wanting to sleep in peace
Wanting to trust and love
Wanting to fell anything good again.
So you wait for the marrow
Hoping again
For the demons to leave
And to never have had PTSD
When you close your eyes but still see
When the past fallows your every move
And the screams never end
The blood drips over and over
Your fears become real again
When singing is just a distraction
And the bottle your refuge.
As you go back
But stay here
Anger snaps
Fear grows
Tears fall
When you are dying inside
And cant save yourself
When the memories arent just memories
And you cant hide any more
Life is like an unsettled score
Always tormenting
Always lost
Afraid of love
And truely knowing pain
But you smile and pretend
Hoping one day for an end
Knowing it may never come
Wanting to sleep in peace
Wanting to trust and love
Wanting to fell anything good again.
So you wait for the marrow
Hoping again
For the demons to leave
And to never have had PTSD
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wrote this after singing karaoke tonight. funny how a bar full of laughter shows how empty you really are
© 2015 - 2024 xanthnimby
Comments2
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I enjoyed reading this. I understand completely. I have PTSD. I had it so bad in the 1980s-1990s to the point of wanting to die. I was hollow yet so full of love and hopes and dreams, but hollow because too many people had hollowed me out. But I ended the marriage, got therapy, and lived on my own... and now I'm not empty. Inside is "me". And... I refound God... that helped a lot. 
You can and will heal. But it works best with therapy, changing what needs changed, and giving yourself time.
You can and will heal. But it works best with therapy, changing what needs changed, and giving yourself time.